I recently caught up with Amanojaku, a straight male sensual dominant that loves nothing more than to provide pleasure and serve it up in abundance.
After life events forced him to re-evaluate his sense of self, he discovered his passion for satisfying women and realised just how much pleasing a woman, actually pleased him!
This interesting 5 minute read will give you a snapshot into the mind of a male sensual dominant, so grab yourself a cuppa, kick back, relax and enjoy!
Hey there, thank you so much for taking the time out to let us get to know you, inside and out!
Let’s start with a question that will probably be sititng firmly on most people’s lips.
What is the difference between a ‘regular’ dom and a sensual dom?
Well I don’t think there’s is a such a thing as a “regular” dom, but let’s take the common view which I am generally presented with of a male dominant which seems to be the Christian Grey archetype (which I hate by the way since I don’t think he is representative of the BDSM community as a whole… at least I hope he isn’t!).
The Christian Grey archetype is a dominant sadist who doesn’t appear to adhere to boundaries of respect, ongoing consent, aftercare and communication, he is essentially only after the pleasure of controlling and possessing someone.
In my mind being “dominant” in the bedroom does not make you a dom.
As a sensual dominant, I deal in pleasure, romantic surprise, titillation and teasing. I attempt to create a world where all your physical and mental senses are pushed and assaulted to the upmost by utilising taste, touch, sight, hearing and smell.
I don’t seek to control or possess anyone I only wish to create an environment to be free to share their climax and emotions with me, I appear to be almost selfless in this regard as it takes discipline to prioritise someone’s pleasure above and beyond your own.
Based on what you say, you definitely seem selfless.
So, could you name some of the titles incorrectly used to ‘label’ you?
I typically don’t get labelled incorrectly, I don’t get labelled at all, I’m a bit of an anomaly in the BDSM community; a dominant who doesn’t offer pain and discipline. Most people see me as a bit of curiosity.
OK…has being dominant in sexual situations always been your bag?
No, it hasn’t, I was dominant in the bedroom but not a dominant per se, it took time and difficult emotional and physical experiences for me to get to this point.
Sounds like a real journey!
Can you recall your earliest memory of wanting to dominate sexually?
Ah, there seems to be a bit of a misunderstanding about what I do, this makes it sound like I’m imposing my desire to have sex on someone, anyone can do that. I use your senses so you want or even need me to have sex with you. I’ve always wanted to be wanted and desired (well who hasn’t?).
True! It does feel nice to feel wanted indeed…
So, what are your favourite things to do sexually and is there an area you specialise in?
Now that is an interesting, complex and layered question. It’s not so much about what are my favourite things to do, it’s about what my submissive is willing to have done to them.
Every experience is individually tailored to the submissive’s specific needs and desires.
We (the submissive and I) typically go through a negotiation about what they (the submissive) are willing to consent to and not consent to. I take the results of that negotiation and create a BDSM Scene (think of this as like a sexual theatre play production) initially, directly based in on what they have consented to. This is the learning bit which you refine over time since some people do not actually know what they like or where their erogenous zones are. The goal of the first meeting or scene is to discover all of what turns them on and remember them for later since you WILL need to further tailor the experience for them over time, for example, they may have a very sensitive back and scratching and stroking them there turns them on immensely, so you might want to try using things like back scratchers or vampire gloves on them.
OK…I get it!
How about kinks…what are yours?
My kinks are pretty tame. I love giving oral, I love making women climax, sensation play and intimate kissing & snuggling.
Alright, so how long have you been aware of your kinks?
Some 30+ years some 3 years. I’ve always been fascinated by the female orgasm, but sensation play on myself is pretty recent. My kinks tend to slowly evolve over time dependent upon experience and partners.
That makes sense!
So when was it you decided to indulge in your kinks, have sexual partners always been open to them and how do you deal with a partner that is not interested in exploring that side of you?
Well, about 3 years ago I went through a bit of a personal crisis that made me re-evaluate all sense of self, what I was, what I wanted and what I needed. I totally changed my life. I became fitter, lost a lot of weight and started exploring new things sexually with new partners, met some amazing women with totally different bodies types, experiences and let us say (ahem) abilities! I totally immersed myself in each and every one of them trying to figure out what gave them the most pleasure. During that time, I found out the more turned on they were the more turned on I became. A few times I’ve almost orgasmed just by pleasuring a partner and seeing them lose themselves in pleasure, even if they had not even touched me!
Strangely enough, the majority of my partners have been open to my kink of needing to pleasure women. I guess I’ve just been lucky!
Sometimes you have a partner who is not interested in the intimacy of what I do, and you have to let them go their own way and you go yours it’s not by force.
Unfortunately, some women do not even know how to pleasure themselves and are not willing to trust you completely to pleasure them. Some women find it difficult to orgasm because nobody (even themselves) has ever focused on their pleasure i.e. they see sex as for the man and sometimes they become shut off to other types of orgasms like multiple, nipple or full-body orgasms.
Yes! It is very common for women to have issues around orgasms because of previous or lack of experience in that area.
But can I ask, have you ever found yourself in an awkward situation as far as your kinks go?
Yes, I’ve found some sessions can end pretty abruptly, for example; my partner has a low orgasm tolerance i.e. 1 to 4 times and after they have hit that they can’t orgasm again or their sensitivity is too intense so after orgasming you can’t touch them. Another example was when a partner squirted for the first time. She wasn’t exactly sure what was happening to her and when she squirted she ran into the bathroom and needed to be persuaded to come out. I’d tided up while she was in there and explained that it was ok, it happens and not to be embarrassed about it.
Wow! I guess a new experience such as discovering the ability to squirt would be overwhelming for some and perhaps, even embarrassing.
It’s great that you were reassuring.
OK so, I really want to know, do your friends and family know about this side of you and if so, how did they find out/react and are they accepting?
No [laughs], they don’t. This side of my life is completely private and isolated from my friends and family. Only a few very select friends who are current or ex-partners of mine know and accept it.
I understand, your private life is exactly that…private!
It’s safe to say, most people have some kind of kink that they would secretly like to explore. Why do you think many choose not to act upon these?
My kink isn’t that unusual and can probably easily exist in the right kind of environment. If I was younger growing up in this time and knew what I know now, being open about what I was wouldn’t be much of a problem. However, some kinks are judged by other members of society or our social groups. For example, many of my submissives are Feminists and they have to deal with what appears on the surface to be a contradiction i.e. how can I be a feminist who seeks equality between the sexes be submissive to a male dominant. Openly identifying as submissives is also an issue as people can take it as an invitation to openly abuse them and try to force them to do anything because they have chosen the title submissive, A common statement is “Yes I am a submissive but I am not YOUR submissive”.
Yes, it is important that people understand the individual before ever making any assumptions as to what you can or can’t do to someone who regards themselves as a submissive.
Final question then, what advice would you give to someone that feels shame or is scared to explore themselves sexually?
Learn about yourself and your kink early! Don’t allow yourself to fall into social norms of what is normal and as long as it is within the law and doesn’t harm anybody vulnerable, look for a like-minded community who you can trust to help you explore it without judging you for it.
Oh! I have to ask you just one more thing…
Why the name Amanojaku?
Amanojaku is a demon-like creature in Japanese folklore and is thought to be able to provoke a person’s darkest desires and thus instigates them into perpetrating wicked deeds. It resonated with me so I chose it.
I guess that makes sense LOL
Amanojaku, that was so interesting and real….thank you so much for your openness and honesty.
Find Amanojaku on Twitter